Kiss My Hairy Fat Ass!
Well, that's what I'd like to say when I encounter a store where a cashier asks me for my ZIP code. Usually, however, I end up being far too polite, responding with something like "Why do you need that information?", or "do you really need that information... just for a cash sale?".
My blood pressure usually rises when I find myself standing behind someone else in the line and I hear the first utterance of the question to the person in front of me. I always get kind of taken aback by it - especially if I encounter this vile phenomenon at a supposedly cool and hip store like Trader Joe's. I really resent it! I seethe. I want to drop my shopping basket right there and then and shout at the top of my lungs "Screw you guys! I'm... going... home." But I don't. I stand and I seethe.
Molesting the Customer
This whole sordid affair has all the classic hallmarks of molestation. There's an implicit power dynamic involved, with the store holding the power over whether or not you get to go home with your beloved and painstakingly gathered products. Asking the question before the transaction proceeds has the implication that provision of the information is a requisite - as if somehow this critical data is required in order for some computation to take place, without which the cash register might explode or start to billow out some acrid smoke smelling of melted circuit boards.
The ZIP code question is a sleazy abuse of the corporation-to-consumer power dynamic, and I'm amazed at how many Americans are so willing to just bend over and take it up the ass - too timid to speak up and say "no, that's not an appropriate question, and do you really want my money, anyway? Huh!! Huh!! Huh!!?!??". Are we so well trained to submit our will, and be obedient little consumers? A nation of subjugated wimps, unable to stand up to abusive corporations in the same way that we seem unable to stand up to an abusive federal government?
How Far Will You Let it Go?
If you don't speak up and refuse to oblige stores with your ZIP code information, then how far will it go? Give a little and they'll take a little more, constantly testing your boundaries. And why wouldn't they? The more information that corporations have about you, the more that they can tune their business operations to increase their margins and find better strategies for pursuading you to spend, ultimately increasing their revenue and profits. And, all along, the explanation that they provide is that the information helps them serve you better. Bullshit! That's just Spin-glish - PR spin that looks remarkably similar to English, but isn't. The bottom line is that it helps them make more money, or they wouldn't be interested.
And then the question is, how much other information might they crave to gather from you that would help them to "serve you better"? Wouldn't they be able to serve you better if they knew how many children were in your household? That way they'd know better how much focus to place on kids' cereals, toys, etc. And wouldn't they be able to serve you better if they knew your household income level? That way they could offer more products of a quality level that is in line with your standard of living, or they could tune their prices to be more affordable (or to make more profit if they figure you could afford to pay more... heh heh). And wouldn't they be able to serve you better if they knew your religion? That way they could feature just the right products you would seek during your religious observances.
Well, this would seem like a lot of questions to ask of some bewildered customer who's just hoping to be able to get back to their car in time before the parking meter expires. And there's no questioning the fact that it would be entirely impractical to conduct an entire survey for every individual who goes to the checkout counter. But, what if the store gathered all this information in a series of campaigns? Say, for instance, there's a household income campaign that runs for two months. It doesn't take long to ask the question "Your household income, please?". Then there could be a two month religion campaign... "Your religion, please?". And a two month family size campaign... "Number of children, please?".
This may seem absurd right now, but once everyone's fully accustomed to giving out their ZIP codes, then some marketing genius will want to test the next consumer privacy limit. And there ARE actually those among us - myself for one - who already consider the current ZIP code question to be absurd, inappropriate, and a downright offensive betrayal of trust. You think you can trust your supermarket, and then they, too, turn around their head like Quirrell to reveal a Voldemort of sinister Big Brother proclivities. "Shame on you" is the thought that wells up inside of me... "And to think I trusted you".
Where does it end?!?!? Well, it ends where YOU insist that it ends. Don't be a chickenshit, for the love of God. Don't be a bloody complacent, apathetic, pussy consumer. Just say no! It's YOUR duty to stop it before it goes too far. And, if you're afraid that your lips will fail you in that moment of truth, you can always take along backup in the form of a t-shirt that spells it out nice and explicitly.
Have Fun With It
If you're going to have to face this indignity, you may as well try to have some fun with it. One of the fun responses that I've come up with is simply "no thank you". It's kind of a mind fuck approach, because it leaves the cashier thinking that I misunderstood or didn't corretly hear their question, and that I somehow thought they were offering me something - like a special offer, or a coupon discount, or to sign up for a store credit card or the like.
More than anything, I encourage you to be creative and have fun with the cashier. After all, they're there to help...... provide you with entertainment. Try something like "My ZIP code is, like... ummmm...... 12345... or something, .....like DUDE!!!"
Or you can try the blatant and unambiguous "go fuck yourself, you corporate ass slave" approach with something to the effect of "my ZIP code is none of your damn business".
Or, you can put their brain completely on tilt with something more subtle or obtuse, such as "mi codigo postal es su codigo postal", which employs an overdose of subtle sarcasm and, roughly translated from Spanish as "my postal code is your postal code", evokes in a wry and mocking irony the somewhat more familiar and friendly expression of hospitality "mi casa es su casa", but really means to say to the cashier that they should simply enter the store's ZIP code if the cash register requires something to be entered in order for the transation to proceed, because there ain't no way in Hell that they're getting yours.
My Mini Revolt
So, I've been saying no ever since it dawned on me that this practice just ain't cool, and I always wonder how the customers behind me feel when they hear me refusing to give my ZIP code - whether it makes them actually stop to think about the practice and whether it possibly even emboldens them to eventually put up their own resistance. Perhaps I have even ignited a mini revolt that might grow steadily until there is, indeed, an actual furor and public outcry over this nonsense. I sure hope more citizens stand up and don't swallow this crap.
There are plenty of effective avenues for corporations to research their markets, such as inviting people to participate in voluntary customer surveys, and opening up channels of communication to encourage customers to provide feedback that can help shape a company's offerings. We must send a clear message that customer questioning at the checkout counter is simply not cool and is downright rude.