So I keep getting this mail in evelopes with "DO NOT DISCARD" stamped on the front in big bold black letters. Invariably it's just junk mail, like credit card applications, mortgage refinancing offers, etc. - in other words... SHIT!!!
Now, don't these direct marketing idiots realize that "DO NOT DISCARD", "URGENT", and "DATED MATERIAL INSIDE" just end up setting off blaring alarm sirens going "JUNKMAIL, JUNKMAIL, JUNKMAIL... WOOOO-EEEEEP, WOOOO-EEEEEP, WOOOO-EEEEEP". I mean, they may as well just plaster the front of the envelope with "DON'T THROW ME AWAY... PLEASE... I'M A NICE ENVELOPE... I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND... I WON'T BE NAUGHTY AND EXPOSE YOUR INNOCENT CONSUMER EYES TO IRRESISTABLE SPECIAL OFFERS FOR USELESS THINGS YOU'LL NEVER USE AND EVENTUALLY STORE IN A DARK CORNER OF THE BASEMENT... I PROMISE... OH, WHY WON'T YOU OPEN ME...".
Apparently, these people are the only ones remaining on planet earth who have not yet discovered reverse psychology. If they had any sense they would print on the evelopes "DISCARD THIS MAIL. AVERT YOUR EYES. LOOK AWAY. DON'T LOOK INSIDE. THERE ARE NO UNBEATABLE DEALS FOR GREAT THINGS THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS REALLY WANTED INSIDE. YOU SHOULDN'T LOOK INSIDE TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS. IT'S A SECRET."
Now, that would get me curious. What are they trying to stop me from seeing? What kind of crazy company would use such a whacky approach to marketing. Who ARE these crazy nutjobs!!?!?!? I've GOT to know. The curiosity is just gnawing away at me. I know it's just junkmail, but I just can't help myself in the face of these overwhelming, mind controlling powers of reverse psychology. See, now that would be cool. Pretty soon, I'd be throwing away my real mail and just keeping the reverse-psychologilating shit mail.