Last night (or was it early this morning) I was lying in a dazed semi-conscious and half unconscious state, wafting in and out of irrational and highly entertaining thoughts. Just then, a very strange sequence of logic befell by vulnerable and wobbly mind. It suddenly occured to me why aliens from mars are always characterized as being "little green men". And it became clear that the human species would ultimately suffer the same fate.
See, as it turns out, the Martian race represents the pinnacle of humanoid evolutionary development. Way, way ahead of us puny Neanderthals. Indeed, while we were still beating each other on the heads with primitive tree-derived weaponry, the Martians had already evolved to integrate the single most outstanding property of the plant kingdom into their own DNA - the ability to photosynthesize energy from the sun using chlorophyll.
Yes, Martians were a self-sustaining bunch who had no need for such vile and distasteful daily procedures such as the murder and consumption of other hapless life forms, and the subsequent defecation of their processed remains. Martians were a noble race who did not have to eat, but subsisted on the life-giving energy from the sun.
Time flies, and as the millennia went by the Martian body transformed itself, with teeth eventually completely vanishing from their physiology. Organs of digestion, excretion, and purification also finally became absent. Indeed, one of the finest parts of humanoid anatomy - the sphincter - was no more. And with the demise of this rectal opening went the binary buttocks, leaving Martians with only a unary buttock. At this stage in my reasoning, I reflected on what it would be like to only have one butt cheeck with no crack whatsoever. Trousers would have to be redesigned immediately.
It also occured to me that there would be one unexpected benefit of evolving into a chlorophyll-based metabolism - it would be practically mandatory that all people walk around naked - a veritable coup for naturists. As a green race, we would be absolutely helpless without the sun. Long periods of overcast weather could cause devestation upon the population, with untold numbers of casualties due to starvation. We would literally wither and die if subjected to prolonged periods of darkness - an issue which would weigh heavy upon the minds of our future generations.
Yes, we too shall become a green race. And I'm not talking about being environmentally responsible here, I'm talking skin as green as a spring lawn. As the eons progress we will gradually replace our melanin-based skin pigment that shelters our tender and frightened flesh from the ravaging ultraviolet light of the sun, with a chlorophyll-based pigment that will welcome those live-giving rays of pure and nourishing energy.
When declaring my newly found vegetarianism to others, I'm often confronted by the arguments of defensive animal devourers: "But what about plants? Aren't plants living creatures too? Don't they also have feelings? Doesn't an onion scream in agony as it is massacred and sliced and diced into so many wounded rings, only to be then fried alive in oil as hot as the damned pit of hell itself??" Well, these are very valid points indeed, and as I have stated earlier, the noblest form of metabolism is the one that has no need to destroy other life forms - including plants.
But, vegetarianism is - arguably - sweeping the world as more and more people get tired of the idea of eating skin, muscle, fat, and veins. So, I wonder then: is there a pattern or trend developing here? Are we already, unbeknownst to us, evolving into animals that will be able to synthesize our own source of sustainance? Are we evolving into half man and half plant? Will a diet of 100% plant foods be the first evolutionary step towards us integrating the very magical properties of plant life into our own genetics? Or could it just be a case of "you are what you eat"?
And, most importantly, will that age old thorn-in-the-side issue of skin colour finally go away for good when all humans are green?